they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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