meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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