mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
