if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize