HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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