Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
