I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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