You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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