Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
