Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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