she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize