I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
