Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She announced her abortion via fbk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
