Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
