I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
