My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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