I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
