we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
