my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
