So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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