And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
