just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
