he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
