You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
