saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
