You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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