Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
