My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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