life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Apparently you make a good broom.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
