A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
