he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
