If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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