i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
