Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize