kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize