Ambien. No doubt about it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
