Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
