I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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