He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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