Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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