she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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