I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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