she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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