apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
