so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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