idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
