is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize