She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize