I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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