My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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