Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
