My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
