sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
