he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
