I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
