Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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