dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
