I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
